I remember hearing the phrase “You can’t compete with a dead lover, they become a saint”.

I get it.

I recently snorkelled for the first time since Joachim died. He taught me to dive 10 years ago, and I’ve not dived much without him since. He chatted to me non-stop that day. And ever since he’s been very present. Flashing me moments, places & things I’d forgotten. His presence is loving, encompassing, encouraging, expansive and talkative! I have some regrets about things I never said, & think of ways we could have spent time differently – but he keeps showing up. And his presence is only Love. No disagreements, no problems, just un-competitive un-conditional love. I miss him keenly, in a way that surprises me. It hits me whilst riding the bike or listening to someone. I feel him next to me & hear him laughing. So if you see me talking to my invisible friend, it’s Jo.