Leaving is that much harder than being gone.
Never have I been this terrified. I’m paralyzed. Terrified of the whole world as it opens up all around me. Of the crazy magic, wonder and vastness of all therein. I asked for color, noise, smells and intensity. After Bangkok, I’m heading to Kumbh Mela in India. 100 million people will converge on the Ganges – the largest festival of our lifetimes. Each 12 years is a big one, each 140 is a huge one. This is the huge one.
I’m meeting up with the amazing artist Shilo Shiv Suleman, to document her journey through the festival. I’m not happy with any photos I’ve taken for a long time. This is a long, hot date with my camera. Immersion.
On the eve of flying to Thailand, I want nothing more than to stay home and watch Glee. The ultimate check-out viewing fodder. Sue Lynch is pure genius – that’s enough intensity, right?
Thing is, I have no plans. I have no responsibilities, family, business, job or commitments after India. I don’t have to come back to Bali. I am free to say yes. I am free follow my heart. Sure I need to make some money, I have no clue how I’ll pay the rent. But the knot of anxiety I had around money and survival has melted (since a HK session with Ben last week) – so for the first time in my life, conditioning is not driving me to make survival choices through panic and fear. Who am I without the ‘work ethic’. Who am I if I continue to say YES to things that excite me, and no to things which tire me?
Watch this space. There is so much more. And more blogs to come methinks..
So, to travel with a computer, or… just pencil, paper and camera? Decision to be made in the morning…